Maybe I Love You (or Something)
by naejere
Summary: For some odd reason, Jean and Eren always loved to pretend they hated each other. Erejean. Multi-chaptered, canon compliant. Rating will eventually go up.
1. Chapter 1

Pairing: Jean Kirschtein/Eren Jaeger

Rating: M

Summary: For some odd reason, Jean and Eren always loved to pretend that they hated each other (even though they never really did).

Alright so this is my first erejean fic I decided to officially publish. I noticed that there's a huge lack of it on this website, too, so here ya go. Also, I added more material, so you might want to check that out.

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**Chapter 1**

The very first time Jean Kirschtein laid eyes on Eren Jaeger he was completely taken aback by how _cute _the other boy was. These feelings immediately confused Jean because the moment Eren opened his mouth it was clear as day to Jean that Eren was a surefire idiot. Kill all the titans? It was a preposterous idea. Too childish and optimistic that it just wasn't possible. The gap of strength between humans and Titans was just too immense. In Jean's eyes, there was no winning, just staying as far away from the Titans as possible to ensure survival.

That, among a few other things, was his reason for aspiring to join the Military Police. A nice, easy life in the Interior with a big paycheck and safety was what he wanted out of life. That was where he and Eren initially butted heads. Eren was the exact opposite of him in that regard, and he thought of Jean as a coward, so they fought over that.

Still, it seemed it was always Jean that picked the fights between them. That first time around, he called Eren out not only because he thought the boy's idealistic views were ridiculous, but because he wanted to speak to him. Unfortunately, Jean was always rather awkward when it came to matters of the heart. He could never find the right words to say.

Instead of saying something friendly to the male that caught his eye, Jean insulted him. Jean hadn't actually realized he was developing a crush on Eren at the time. He just thought of the other as an annoying attractive idiot with a death wish.

This line of thought stuck to him all throughout their years in training.

Similarly enough, Eren was also drawn to Jean when he spotted the other boy. He too was confused by his feelings, which led to frustration. How could he be attracted to someone as cowardly and selfish as Jean? Unlike Jean, Eren accepted his feelings, but allowed them to subside as he refused to let himself fall for someone that was the exact opposite of everything he believed in

What he had not counted on was Jean ultimately doing the right thing.

Deep down, Eren always hoped Jean would decide against joining the Military Police. He noted in their training that Jean was exceptional at 3DMG, scoring at the top of their class in that area. Along with that, he showed signs of exceptional leadership and (while not as skilled as Mikasa when it came to combat) he still received a final assessment of 9/10, which was impressive.

Someone as talented was needed in the war against the Titans. Too bad Jean was too frightened to ever consider such a thing.

"So, tomorrow we choose what we wanna join," Eren said, tinkering with his own gear. He was assigned to canon cleaning duty later on that day, so he needed to ensure that his gear had no faults should he accidently trip on the top on the wall.

Jean merely grunted in response, tightening his own straps around his thighs. Of course was getting ready at the same time as the last person he wanted to see. In the three years since they started their training, Jean's confusion faded, but he was still left irritated by the whole ordeal, especially since tomorrow would likely be the last day he'd ever see Eren Jaeger's stupid face.

If he wasn't in such denial about his thoughts on the other, he might have been more upset by the fact. Jean wanted to view it as a good thing. Never again would he cross paths with Eren. They'd never fight again. He would never have to endure one of Eren's stupidly inspiring speeches about why humanity needed to fight (which he absolutely abhorred because deep down he knew the brunet was right). By never seeing Eren again, he would forget about the ridiculous crush he had on him and finally move on with his life. He'd join the Military Police and find some cute girl from the inner walls to settle down and have a family with. His life would be simple, predictable, easy and long, just like he always wanted.

Yet some moron with unpredictable outbursts of rage and insatiable thirst for Titan blood knocked that straight onto his back, because as soon as he got to thinking about just what this cute girl he'd meet from Sina looked like, all he pictured was short, messy brown hair, tan skin, and piercing green eyes that held within them the fiercest determination, rage, and passion he'd ever seen in another person.

And with each passing day, the part of him that yearned for those eyes to look at him with the same passion they bore when Eren spoke of his dreams grew stronger.

Jean couldn't help but think that it was actually himself that was the moron all along.

Still, he'd never admit it. It was too late to say anything, anyways.

"Still going to join the Military Police, Jean?" Eren attempted conversation again, finally beginning the grueling process of putting on all of his gear.

"Of course I am. I ranked at number 6. I'd be stupid not to. If you were smart, you'd join as well," Jean spoke quickly, already preparing himself for a long-winded lecture from Eren about humanity's survival and living like livestock and all of that bullshit that he'd heard a billion times already. This time, though, would be the last.

Instead of a speech, Eren surprised Jean with a far briefer response.

"Well, I guess I'm just the biggest idiot around, huh?" Eren spoke with a wide grin, clearly proud of his choice, which was to be expected as it was his dream to join the Scouting Legion. He was right there, just a day away from his dream, his reason for joining the military in the first place.

Jean would have been happy for him if joining the Scouting Legion didn't entail certain death for the irritating boy that somehow wormed his way into Jean's heart with his words of inspiration and passion as fierce as the searing flames of hell.

A million different responses flooded Jean's thoughts. _'Beg him not to go. Tell him how you feel. Kiss him. Insult him for old time's sake. Say something equally stupid. Agree with him.' _However, not a single one was ever spoken. Before Jean even had the chance to open his mouth, Eren was gone, already walking away with Armin and Mikasa to hang out before they each tended to their final duties as Trainees.

Jean watched them walk away, ignoring the tug at his heart from what he thought was his last chance to say something slip away from him forever.

He never anticipated that just around an hour later, the Colossal Titan would show up to kick down Trost's gate, once again letting loose the terror of the Titans upon humanity. He also didn't expect to hear that the boy he had feelings for died along with the majority of his squad, or that he wasn't actually dead, but somehow shifted into a Titan. Most of all, at the end of the day he couldn't believe that Trost's gate was successfully sealed by Eren in Titan form and that not only had humanity secured its first victory against the Titans, but that he found himself reconsidering his decision to join the Military Police because for the first time in over a hundred years there was a glimmer of hope provided by none other than Eren Jaeger.

Jean ended up deciding against joining the Military Police. Ultimately, the decision was a reached through multiple different factors, though he was actually considering not joining it for quite a while. The untimely death of his best friend just happened to be the icing on the cake layered with three years' worth of speeches about why more needed to join the Scouting Legion.

He was nearly reluctant, almost turned and walked away with the majority of the 104th Trainees Squad which seemed to number in the thousands when they all left the area designated for those that chose to offer up their beating hearts for humanity.

Jean could hear his blood pounding in his ears, especially when he looked around and saw just how few of them stuck around. Not surprisingly, it was mostly the crowd he hung out with, save for Annie, Marco, and Eren.

Eren…

Eren already joined. He was off God knew where, probably being watched at all times or something of the like. It was ridiculous. Jean knew Eren, he knew the brunet was no threat. Their superiors and the rest of humanity didn't, though, so he couldn't really blame them. With time they'd learn that Eren was no enemy to them at all.

Jean cursed himself for sticking around, felt fear in his heart for what he knew was impending doom. What would his mother think? Her son ranked high enough to earn a spot in the Military Police, safe in the interior with a fat salary yet he turned that down for what? To die in thirty days when they embarked on their next expedition?

No, he wasn't going to die. Jean Kirschtein refused to die. He couldn't die. He had his mom waiting for him, a late best friend to make proud, and a certain impulsive idiot to confess to.

Although Jean didn't exactly want the thirty days to pass so quickly, they surprisingly didn't. Maybe it was some sort of drawn out torture? He didn't know. Most days consisted of learning the formation, practice and cleaning. He was happy to note that apart from all that, there was also a surprising amount of freetime they never had as Trainees.

Jean found himself spending a lot of time on his own, simply thinking about things. Jean wasn't stupid, he noticed the change in himself, and he knew the others did too. He could tell by their pitiful glances.

He sat before a small pond, about three weeks into being a member of the Scouting Legion. The sun was setting beyond the walls, and the sky seemed to have an orange-ish hue to it. Birds and crickets alike chirped, and in the far distance he was sure that owners of businesses throughout the bustling marketplaces of the districts were closing up shop. He was far away from the city, and honestly, it was relaxing. It was quieter. Peaceful. Times like this made one almost forget that just beyond the walls hell awaited all of them.

Jean lay back in the grass and shut his eyes, ready to catch a quick nap, but his actions were disturbed by a sudden rustling beside himself. His eyes snapped open and sure enough, Eren Jaeger sat beside him. The taller slowly sat up, spotting Eren's horse tethered by a tree. Where was everyone else, though?

As if Eren read his thoughts, he responded.

"I told the Captain I needed some fresh air. I know he looks like he's got a stick up his ass, but he's a pretty understanding guy. I think he almost smiled at me or something. It was kind of weird," Eren said, wiping some sweat off his forehead and looking at Jean.

Slowly, Jean looked Eren over, recognizing damp hair and reddened cheeks. The boy also looked to be panting a little. Had he just come back from training?

Jean remained silent as he stared at Eren, perplexed and confused. Just what the hell was Eren doing there?

"Look, I know you and I got off on the wrong foot back in training, but that's the past, right? We're older now. We're comrades. Our lives will probably be too short for us to pretend we hate each other. Besides, there's more important stuff to worry about," Eren spoke, looking off into the water. Eren seemed wiser, sounded more mature. Jean assumed he picked it up from hanging around with people at least 4 years older than him all the time.

The brunet continued to speak about countless things. What he ate for breakfast. A joke Captain Levi told that wasn't actually funny but the entire Special Ops Squad (himself included) laughed at. Something weird Commander Smith told him. Squad Leader Hanji keeping him up all night, telling him all about her Titan experiments. Jean found that although he listened to Eren, he wasn't really paying attention. He was too consumed in his own thoughts, still attempting to piece together why Eren was there, talking to him, and telling him about all of this. Didn't he have two best friends he could speak to?

"Jean? Are you going to say anything? Are you even listen-," Eren asked, but was cut off by Jean's own questions.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"I told you already. I came out to get fresh air. This is a nice little pond and the view is nice," his response was smooth and quick, as if it were rehearsed to perfection.

"No. I mean why are you here? Why are you talking to me?" Jean repeated his question, adding more of an explanation.

"Again, I already answered that. I don't think we should play rivals anymore. Honestly, it got old a while ago and I never hated you to begin with." Once again Eren's response was easy, yet not exactly answering what Jean asked.

"No," Jean said a second time, shaking his head. He looked over at Eren to see him staring back, his eyes already fixed on Jean.

Eren's expression hardened a little, and if Jean didn't know any better he'd say the brunet was hurt by his response, like Eren expected him to say something more, but Jean never did. The Titan-shifter sighed, not once moving his gaze away from Jean.

"Do you want me to be completely honest with you?"

"Of course."

"I figured. Do you trust me?"

It was an odd question. Initially, Jean wanted to believe that he didn't trust Eren. Yet, that part of him that yearned for Eren, the soft side of him, told him that he trusted Eren with all of his heart. He trusted Eren with his life because he knew the brunet could protect it and would until he was struck down. That was just how Eren was.

He's like that with everyone. Don't think you're special.

"I suppose I do," came Jean's response after a few moments only, but to the two of them it seemed to last forever waiting to hear a reply.

"Jean, I… How do I put this?" Eren ran a hand through his hair, seemingly deep in thought. He muttered things to himself, things Jean couldn't quite hear yet was curious to know more of. Finally, Eren looked up again and continued. "Look, we both know it's very possible that on this mission upcoming mission outside the walls we might very well die. I… I don't want to die a virgin, and I know you don't either."

Oh. So that was what this was about?

Jean was foolish to believe even for a second that Eren might confess some sort of feelings for him. He could have sworn he saw something in the other's eyes that signaled interest, compassion... Something deeper than mere lust and teenage hormones. Maybe, though, that was only Jean's imagination playing tricks on him. He merely saw what he wanted to see. How could he ever think even for a second that Eren actually held any sort of romantic interest in him? Eren probably didn't care for romance, was probably too focused on just killing all the Titans to even consider something that wasn't worth their time, not when there were more important matters at hand.

How could Jean have been so optimistic?

He chuckled a little and shook his head, not at Eren's words but at his own thoughts. He was going soft. Or maybe he'd already been soft. Jean didn't bother too think too much on it then.

"Eren," Jean began, pushing himself up onto his knees. "I get where you're coming from, but… Not now. I'm not ready for that yet. We've still got a couple of weeks, right?"

"Right. I know that. That's actually… Pretty smart. I mean, it'd suck to do it out here. On the hard ground," Eren's hand lay on the grass as he spoke, slowly inching toward where Jean's was as Eren leaned a little closer. "A kiss couldn't hurt, right? We could ease into it," Eren said, leaning in closer and Jean found himself unmoving. He neither backed away nor leaned closer, just slowly let his eyes close until Eren's lips finally met his own. At the same time Eren's fingers wrapped around his wrist, lifting Jean's hand off the ground.

Their kiss was slow, as languid as the movement of the water in the pond before them and the clouds in the sky. It was as slow as the time around them seemed to skid to a halt and something seemed to just click for the both of them. There was nothing spectacular about their kiss, no tongues or biting, yet it seemed all too extraordinary.

What seemed to last an eternity was only a few seconds before Eren pulled back a little, smiling at Jean. Jean returned a shy smile, and just as Eren began leaning in for a second round, Jean snapped out of this little trance he'd been placed in by the kiss. This moment was too fond, would only cause him more grief if they shared moments like this. If they were going to be intimate with each other, it couldn't be tender. Jean would only fall deeper, and it would hurt more because he'd be so close yet so far from having what he so desired.

"Wait, Eren," he piped up, placing two fingers on the brunet's lips and gently nudging him back. "It's getting late. It's almost dark. Won't Captain Levi want you back soon? You only asked for a breath of fresh air."

"Right. Shit." With an irritated frown, Eren stood, extending a hand to Jean and helped him up. "Do you want a ride back? You don't look like you brought a horse."

"I didn't. We're not that far."

"It's about a half a mile. It'll be dark by the time you reach headquarters on foot."

Jean didn't respond, just rolled his eyes and got on Eren's horse after him. He wanted to get away from him as soon as possible, wanted to forget about this sweet kiss. Maybe he could pretend it hadn't been such a kind moment. He could pretend they insulted each other. He could pretend he only agreed to this little future friends with benefits escapade with Eren because of some insatiable hormones brought on by being an over-eager teenage boy.

In reality, Jean agreed because it would mean he could pretend Eren cared more than just a friend, that Eren actually wanted him. He could pretend those sweet nothings meant something, that the marks he left weren't just physical claims on his body left there only as a result of indulging in the throes of pleasure.

It was a dangerous game, but one Jean was willing to play. He would play and win and be over and done with his feelings with Eren by the time it was over.


	2. Chapter 2

Here's chapter 2. It took me a while but yeah, I finally got around to it. I also added some more to chapter 1. By some, I mean a lot, so if you haven't already read it I suggest you go back and do so, haha.

Anyway, all I have to say is that you're probably all going to hate me by the end of this fic.

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**Chapter 2**

Jean never pegged Eren Jaeger as the type to be so… so horny.

Then again, he always thought Eren didn't have a single seductive bone in his body. He assumed Eren lacked interest and knew nothing of intimacy.

Boy was he wrong.

It seemed with every chance he got, Eren would pull Jean off to the side. Sometimes it was just a quick kiss, and others it was much more. It was kisses on the mouth, neck and collar. It was groping and grinding and moaning into each other's mouths and against heated skin in the tight space of a closet, running the risk of anyone hearing or catching them.

It was all so spontaneous and wild, so unlike Jean that he was convinced Eren cast some sort of spell on him because this was not normal Jean Kirschtein behavior. Jean was not a reckless individual. He didn't do just whatever he wanted. He didn't live in the moment because he knew all his actions had consequences and he rather not run the risk.

Eren was different. He was everything Jean wasn't, yet not to the point where the repelled each other. They worked a lot like yin and yang. They complimented each other. Where Jean was weak, Eren was strong.

Jean found that their meetings which weren't intimate were rather… Nice. It was as if Eren genuinely cared for Jean's thoughts and opinions and concerns. Not to say that Eren didn't, but Jean was sure that Eren still was only into this for the promise of sex before the expedition. They were getting there. Jean gave Eren a handjob just the day before.

Once again Jean found himself staring off into the distance with Eren, only this time it wasn't by the small pond but on one of the towers of the headquarters. It was built up high, but not overwhelmingly so. The view from the top revealed lush green grass and trees as far as the eye could see, all the way up until the Wall.

Jean turned to the male standing beside him, watching as Eren stared at the distance, then at the vast skies. He looked longingly at the birds. The birds could travel for thousands of miles. They saw the world, knew all of what lay beyond Wall Maria. They lived Eren's dream all the time, and they didn't even know it.

"I wish I could grow wings and fly out of this place. To see the world. That's my dream. I'm so envious of those birds. They've seen it all, and all I know is the world within these Walls," Eren spoke aloud, not angry in the slightest, but just in awe. To think of all those things out there… He was going to see it. "What's your dream, Jean? What do you want out of this life?"

Jean thought for a moment. What did he want? Before he just wanted an easy life. He wanted to survive in the Interior. Now though… That clearly was out of his reach. He didn't even care for the Interior or Military Police anymore.

He looked to Eren, who smiled at him in a way that only Eren could, in that way that seemed so genuine and sweet and so unlike the Eren he'd seen rampaging in Trost.

"I just want to be happy," Jean said.

In his mind and in his dreams Eren's features would soften even more than they already were and he'd pull Jean into a hug. He'd tell Jean all about how he wanted to be the one to make Jean happy. Then they would kiss, just like they did that first time and everything would work out fine. They'd live happily ever after.

However, this wasn't a dream. It was reality and Jean was on a path to death in exactly two weeks. Eren didn't like him like that and had no idea that Jean felt that way about him.

These talks they had when they weren't making out were something Jean found himself growing addicted to, craving far more than the touch of Eren's rough fingers on his skin. Those moments felt like an eternity Jean could spend the rest of his life in. Just him and Eren, talking about everything and nothing all at the same time.

Eren didn't say anything, just nodded, and looked back up at the sky. Jean did the same. Maybe, just maybe, as they stared up and dreamt of all those things they desired most, their hands touched in the slightest. Maybe Eren's pinky brushed the back of Jean's hand.

They never spoke of it. They never thought they needed to.

That night, Jean thought about how much he hated himself. He cursed himself for being a coward and not telling Eren how he felt. Join the Scouting Legion and take on Titans? Oh, that was no problem, but confess to Eren his feelings which grew stronger with each moment they spent together? Impossible.

He had to tell him… He needed to before he no longer could. He had two weeks. That was enough time to muster up the courage, right? In two weeks, on the night before their expedition, Jean planned on telling Eren all about how he was so desperately falling for him, had been since the moment their eyes locked three years prior.

Eren would probably reject him, but nicely. Eren wasn't an asshole. He'd say something like, "I'm sorry, Jean, but I don't feel the same way," and that was fine. Eren just needed to know. Jean needed to stop being a coward and tell Eren. He could never be happy if he never told him of how he felt. That way he could stop hoping that Eren felt the same way and get a move on with his life and find happiness elsewhere.

.

Eren sat by the window in his room, restless. He couldn't sleep, his mind drifting to all the occurrences of the past few weeks. He and Jean spent a lot of time together. If they weren't rutting against each other in a closet they were sitting in some peaceful spot somewhere on the grounds of the headquarters, chatting about the past, the present, and future.

He raised his hand to his chest, holding it with his other. He could still feel the tingle in his pinky from when it traced over Jean's hand. That moment… It felt right. Eren regretted not kissing Jean again then.

He couldn't. This was a purely friends with benefits relationship, and regardless of the budding feelings Eren felt, they had to keep it as such. There were other matters that required their attention, things bigger than the two of them. Either way, Jean liked Mikasa, right? Eren was just an outlet.

Despite being just an outlet, Eren found himself kissing Jean with all the passion he could muster with each brush of their lips whenever they met, hoping the blond would catch on to it and how Eren truly felt. Unfortunately, Jean probably mistook it as aggression or Eren being extra heated.

Eren looked from the hand he held to his chest out the window. How unfortunate their lives were. Had they been born in a different time Eren would tell Jean all about how he felt. He'd promise to make Jean happy, every day, he'd try.

But this wasn't a different time. It was the year 850 and the Titans still existed. Somewhere out there were the Colossal and Armored Titans. He could not tell Jean yet. Eren had to wait until after all the Titans were defeated. They could both hold off just that much longer, right? Eren would kill all the Titans and make Jean happy. They would both be free and live their dreams. Together.

.

Two days before their first ever expedition beyond the Walls and there was what could be described as a party. Most likely the last party for many, that being the main reason why it was held. Not everyone could die without regrets, but they could still pass on with fond memories.

Jean wasn't much of a party person, and from the looks of it, neither was Eren. There was lots of chatter throughout, and even music played throughout the hall. Some danced, some drank, and some talked as though a good third of the people in the room weren't going to die in a few days.

Suddenly, the tune of the song changed to something more familiar to Jean. It was a lot like the tune his mother used to hum to him as a child when he cried.

"Not a fan of parties, huh?" Eren asked, his smile playful and charming and so befitting of him. It showed off brilliant teeth and lovely dimples. Really, how could someone that looked so angry half of the time also look so kind?

"Not in the slightest," Jean muttered, sinking lower into his chair. Really, he hated social gatherings. If this was supposed to be one of his last fond memories he was highly disappointed.

The other male stood then, silent, and merely reached out a hand for Jean to grab. He took it, a little hesitant, and immediately Eren began dragging him along somewhere else. Well, at least he was saving him from that wretched party.

They didn't go that far off. In fact, they went just outside. It appeared everyone else really was enjoying themselves in there as they were the only two outside.

"Why?" was all Jean asked.

"You didn't look happy."

Jean looked down at Eren, tilting his head only a little as he wasn't much shorter. He remembered?

"Besides, we can't do this in there," he said and before Jean knew it there were lips on his own and a body pressed flush against his, pushing him up against the wall. His back hit the cold stone but he found he couldn't mind, not when Eren's lips smacked against his own and there was the faint sound of that familiar song in the distance. He was sure it was some sort of love tune, like something a couple dance d to not long after getting married.

Their lips met repeatedly in a string of feverish kisses and when Eren pulled back for air Jean found his lips forming words before his mind could really consider them, not that he entirely minded.

"I want to do it tonight."

Eren nodded in response, and once again he led Jean along. Somewhere more secluded, where they were likely not to be found until morning when Levi came to fetch the Shifter.

.

Jean kicked the door closed behind them while they stumbled into the room, hands fumbling everywhere, copping feels here and removing articles of clothing there. Once they reached the bed the two were both half-naked and panting. Jean was red in the face, his cheeks growing darker in shade when Eren pinned him to the bed and kissed down his neck and revealed chest. The brunet wasted no time in lapping at any and all skin, taking it upon himself to bite and nibble on especially sensitive places on Jean's body.

The taller felt like he was floating on cloud nine with the way Eren seemed to appreciate his body. He was so caring in every little touch, so calculating. Even with the most sensual licks Jean found that it felt affectionate.

Was this what love felt like?

Jean's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his belt being unbuckled and a particularly harsh suck to his lower abdomen. He propped himself up on his elbows to catch Eren grinning up at him, deft fingers pulling Jean's pants down by the belt loops. He chewed his lower lip, eyes half-lidded as his pants and underwear were both pulled down just enough, revealing his erection to Eren. The brunet licked his lips at the sight and took it into his hand, causing Jean to gasp and squeeze his eyes shut.

"If you're gonna suck it then just do it already, dammit," Jean said through gritted teeth. Eren only chuckled, his tongue darting out between pink lips to lap at the tip.

"Alright, but after this, I'm fucking you," a smug smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he descended, taking the hard tip into his mouth and sucking tentatively, wishing to hear Jean's pleading sounds. This was both their first time going all the way, while he was used to hearing Jean's delicious moans whenever they jerked each other off or all the times Eren gave him head before, he had yet to hear similar cries spill from those lips while getting fucked. Soon enough…

"Deal," Jean groaned out, gripping the sheets beneath him.

.

It hurt. A lot. Jean expected as much, though. Eren was surprisingly gentle through the whole ordeal, stopping when Jean needed time to adjust, and even kissing away pained tears that he shed at the beginning.

After a while, pain gave way to pleasure and both came not long after, fully sated. Jean did feel like his ass aching severely, though.

This was it, right? The end goal of what they worked at over the past month? He found himself yearning for Eren's touch still, and as he slept, Jean draped the other's arm over him, pretending that it was love they just made, not casual sex just for the sake of not being virgins anymore.


End file.
